Lady Victoria (A Royal Flush)

Lady Victoria.

Lady Victoria Marsham Hailes was a character in Only Fools And Horses who was seen in 1 episode, A Royal Flush - (25th December 1986). She was, well Derek "Del Boy" Trotter would call her a "posh tart". She was a noble young lady whose dad was a cousin of The Queen. She dated Rodney Trotter. But his minor drugs conviction and the fact noble people are looked after by Special branch put paid to that. Victoria was played by Sarah Duncan.

Backstory

Lady Victoria was born in 1965 to The Duke Of Maylebury and his wife. Victoria was an only child. Victoria's mum died in 1977 during a skiing accident, when Victoria was 12 years old.

In 1986, Victoria got fed up with the noble lifestyle living in the Berkshire countryside, so decided to move to London. Special Branch would look after her. Victoria enjoyed the urban vibrant nature of inner city London.

1986

In late 1986, Victoria was selling expensive paintings down a street market in Peckham. Local market trader lookout Rodney Trotter saw her and when she saw him she smiled. Derek "Del Boy" Trotter, Rodney's elder brother was annoyed when he saw Rodney chatting to Victoria, as a police officer was snooping for unlicensed traders. Del pretended to be a foreigner to his mate Trigger - aka Colin Ball and then ran off. Victoria said she is selling the paintings for £80. Rodney said round here they don't pay that much for a car. He suggests she goes to Portobello Road instead. He then invites her to a local cafe but warns her that the food is swimming in grease. Victoria says she wants to go to such a cafe. It is Sid's Cafe, aka "The Fatty Thumb".

At Sid's Cafe, Victoria says she is from Boring Berkshire and she has lived in London for a while. She got tired of the countryside and liked the vibrancy of London. She says she saw a woman spit the other day, she says this just as Rodney is eating his runny egg. She says that her mother has some artwork on display at The National Gallery. Rodney says "Oh mega". Victoria does not yet tell Rodney that she is nobility. She says she has to be getting back but they arrange another date. She says Special Branch will be worrying, and then says she is the daughter of The Duke Of Maylebury. Rodney borrows a Burkes Peerage book from the local library and buys a copy of The Sporting Life. She is telling the truth when The Duke Of Maylebury is listed in the book and Victoria is in a photo of The Sporting Life. Del comes home and is angry at Rodney for abandoning his lookout duties, saying the local Gendarme nearly nicked him.

Rodney explains who the lady in the market is and when Del is not convinced, he thinks The Duke Of Maylebury is a pub in Nunhead. Rodney shows Del a photo of her in a country magazine and Del realises she is the daughter of The Duke. Sensing a chance to make the Trotter family millionaires, Del decides to assist Rodney's blossoming friendship with Lady Victoria, saying the royals have to bring in common stock every 400 years. Del decides to assist further such as by acquiring tickets for the opera, albeit getting them off a ticket tout.

On the night of the opera, Rodney and Victoria arrive, only to see that Del has also shown up, along with June Snell. Rodney is alarmed at Del's presence. During the opera performance Del and June ruin the evening for the quiet and refined Rodney and Victoria by talking during the performance and eating snacks, thus irritating Rodney and Victoria and other people in the audience. June eats so much she is sick all over the woman in the seat in front of her. Rodney is highly upset and embarrassed. Victoria has invited him to her country mansion (Covington House) at the weekend as they have a blood sports event going on. Wanting Rodney to make a good impression, Del insists that he dresses as a country gentleman in a tweed suit.

During the event, Rodney is enjoying himself. Victoria tells him he does not need to keep saying "thank you" all the time at the end of a sentence.  Rodney even agrees to have a go at shooting, but when he is about to take a shot, he notices the yellow 3 wheeled van driving down a country lane nearby. He goes into shock and fires two bullets into the air. He seems to be of a nervous disposition but is really horrified that Del has driven down there. Victoria is concerned for Rodney. Rodney is worried Del may ruin the evening for him. Rodney looks around as he knows he saw the yellow 3 wheel van. Del calls out "Tally Ho there Rodders". Del arrives with Albert Trotter. Rodney closes his eyes in annoyance and disbelief.

Del introduces himself to Henry The Duke and starts claiming to have turned up to deliver Rodney's evening suit that he "forgot" (although Rodney knows that he packed it and Del removed it so he had an excuse to turn up). Victoria is also a bit alarmed at Del's presence, seeing as how be behaved at the opera. As Rodney seethes with anger, Del invites himself to that evening's dinner having coincidentally brought his own evening suit. He also eats a chicken leg and puts the remains in a fruit bowl, The Duke can sense Del means trouble. Del has a go at the clay pigeon shooting, by using a single-barrel pump-action shotgun he borrowed off Iggy Higgins, a bank robber. Del begins to annoy Henry already.

Before the dinner, Del keeps irritating Henry with his "humorous" comments and constant questions asking which paintings are by Leonardo Da Vinci. So far the paintings Del has asked about are not Da Vinci's. Henry says one of them is a Pissaro and Del replies "I dunno I have seen worse". Henry shuts his eyes in disbelief. Rodney asks Del to behave himself at the dinner. Del says whatever happens tonight he is doing it for Rodney. Down in the kitchens below, Albert is boring the kitchen staff and butlers with his stories of the war.

At the huge dinner table, which has 20 or more people sat at it, a nervous but polite Rodney answers questions about what he did at college and things. Victoria is concerned at Del's drinking. Meanwhile Del begins throwing his banana skin in nice displays on the table and bangs knives against expensive pieces of glassware to test if they are crystal. Henry almost swears to one of his friends about what he thinks of Del. Henry says Rodney is an artist and then says Del is "The biggest ar....artist of them all".

Rodney is asked about why he left college after just 3 weeks and says for personal reasons, he does not want to elaborate further but Del manages to grab everyone's attention by saying why, that he was caught with drugs that belonged to someone else who asked him to take a puff. Victoria looks on, shocked. Del says he is saying this in case the press find out, that Rodney was stitched up. Del then tries to "liven" up the evening by making lewd jokes and starting to joke about the Irish man on the skiing holiday, when Victoria's mum had died while skiing 9 years ago. Henry has reached the end of his tether and bellows at Del saying he wants to see him outside to have a word. Rodney is on the verge of tears and is beside himself with anger and embarrassment, while Albert overhears the whole thing and shakes his head sadly, knowing that their weekend is finished. Del whispers to Rodney he has clenched a deal. Victoria asks if Rodney will be staying the night or not, and Rodney says he better get back off home.

Outside in the large hallway area Henry says he wants Del, Rodney and Albert out of his house and off his land immediately. Del says that Henry should be planning for Victoria's wedding to Rodney. Henry is shocked to hear this. He then says Victoria is marrying no one as she is off to New York to do a 2 year art course. Del says that Rodney is very keen on her and nothing will make him leave her, then he sees £££ signs and says, well there is one thing. Henry and Del go into a study. Del asks what a painting on the wall is and Henry growls "Thats a bloody Da Vinci".

A few hours later, back at the Trotter's flat in Peckham, over 60 miles away, it is the early hours of the morning. A very upset Rodney is stood in the dark in the flat staring at the London night sky. A very hung over Del comes in from the hallway and says he only wanted to make an impression and Rodney compared that impression to the one the Americans made at Nagasaki in 1945. Rodney is angry and vents at Del saying how he always interferes in his life and he has ruined his chances with Victoria plus humiliated and destroyed him in front of all those people. Rodney smacks his hand on an air vent in anger.

Rodney then says that the most painful event of the evening was when Henry called him into his study, saying he wanted him out of Victoria's life now and for good and to never see her again. He even offered Rodney money. Del pretends to know nothing about the bribe and says Rodney should have told Henry what he can do with his money. Rodney says he turned the money down. Del is annoyed and asks why he turned £1000 down. Rodney says he has pride intact. He then asks why Del knew it was £1000 that was offered him.

Del says it was arranged but only to save Rodney, as noble people like Victoria are looked after by Special Branch and MI6 and that when Rodney started dating Victoria, Special Branch would run Rodney's name through their computer and find out that he has a drugs conviction and if Rodney had refused to get out of Victoria's life then Special Branch would have sent a hit team and have Rodney killed. Rodney realises Del may have found this out and showed him up in front of all those others for him. Del apologises to Rodney for his behaviour and shakes his hand, but squeezes it as a ploy to show him what a plonker he was turning the money down.

Rodney and Victoria parted ways for good.

Memorable info

Born: 1965

Full Name:

Parents:

Siblings: None

Spouse:

Children:

Appearances

1986

• A Royal Flush - (25th December 1986)